Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
