did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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