i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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