trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
