With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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