Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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