So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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