Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Randomize
