his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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