so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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