So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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