I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
