Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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