Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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