3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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