well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
