I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
