the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
