so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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