im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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