on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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