yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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