So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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