Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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