I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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