so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
