when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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