3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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