My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
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suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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