omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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