Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
