I just pynch a tree in the face
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
