Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
