I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
