Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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