her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
