I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
