I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
