I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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