remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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