The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
