She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
