Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
