I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
