It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
