There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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