If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
