I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
