That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had me at cake vodka
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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