our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
