i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
