I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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