he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
