We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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