I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
