i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
