I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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