they need to just BURY HIM!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
