I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
