I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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