i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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