it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
