sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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