i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
