I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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