Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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