But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize