Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
