my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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